March is brain injury awareness month. But, I’m aware of it every day of the year.

I’ve been battling neuro fatigue more than usual the last two weeks. I wish I understood why. I wish there was some treatment for it. Why doesn’t sleeping 8-9 hours a night just make me feel better? I don’t know, but it doesn’t. Despite the awesome sleep scores my FitBit gives me, I’m fucking exhausted from the moment I get up until the moment I tumble into bed.

Coffee doesn’t help, sleep doesn’t help, and meditating doesn’t help. I don’t know what else there is to combat this phenomenon.

I can deal with the headaches. I have an arsenal of drug and non-drug therapies for my headaches. But there is nothing that helps the fatigue.

It’s not just being tired. My thoughts and actions are slow. My brain fog is intensified. My word finding difficulties are amplified. Everything is just worse when I feel this way.

I feel inadequate at work and at home. I’d rather just go lie down than spend time with my family. But, with four little kids, I just don’t have this luxury.

It’s rare that I feel healthy and well. I either have a headache, severe fatigue, or both. Today is a “both” kind of day. I can’t wait until the kids are in bed and I can just sleep.

I have to work early tomorrow. So, that won’t help, either.

I’m trying to stay optimistic. I’m trying to count my blessings. But, I’m also reminding myself that I don’t always have to be grateful every second of the day. While I am grateful it isn’t worse, I’m allowing myself to be angry and sad that I feel like shit for most of my existence.

I’m going to treat myself to some real food and hope that helps. I’m tired of having zero interest in food. I’m going to force myself to eat.

Here’s hoping for some relief from this misery.